Maybe this would be better as an entry in my journal, anyway…
So when I went to buy travel bags a few days ago, I lost my cool and burst into tears in the crowded streets of Eastleigh. I was no longer able to contain everything. Pondering about transition and leaving everything familiar is scarier than I thought. For too long, I had acted too strongly. The last place I would want to cry was in the midst of people. There was a taxi driver who stared at me the whole time, but I no longer knew what embarrassment felt like. What’s the worst that could happen anyway? Don’t beat yourself up for any cringy thing you’ve done before; what’s done is done!
It’s okay to be a little sad sometimes, and there’s no need to be too strong. Sometimes, we have to let it out, either by just speaking honestly about how we feel or crying it out! Being too strong has allowed us to carry so many burdens within. We suffer silently, fighting battles that no one knows about. For how long will it continue? For me, I choose to no longer carry so much inside; if I’m going through anything, I will share, and if it’s unshareable with a human being, then I’ll tell it to God and maybe journal it. Choosing to live a life where I intentionally deal with what I can instead of harboring so much inside.
You don’t need to fight alone when there’s an army of concerned people who can help. Remember, when we let those sad thoughts or thoughts of defeat rule our minds and keep pondering on them, we allow stress to take hold of us. I remember sometimes imagining I was heartbroken. I’d feed my thoughts by playing really sad music, and it would work because I’d be grumpy the whole day!
Be very careful of the thoughts you entertain! Don’t be lazy; pull down any that are not meant for goodwill.
I don’t know what you are going through, but if you can do anything to maybe help the situation, then do it, and if you can’t, just leave it to God. If I can’t do anything about it, then I just leave it. Is it worth sulking over it all the time anyway?
We said we were going to face one day at a time, and that includes dealing with the troubles of today. We will not carry them with us tomorrow or for a lifetime if we cannot. Even if there are regrets, what’s done is done! Let’s not create trauma for ourselves.
Every small choice we make will compound into the whole life we’ll live. Today I choose to do what is wisest among many alternatives. And when it gets rough, uncertain, and overwhelming, I just choose to take it one day at a time.